mat

......to diet....
I still have tears in my eyes from laughing.
 

thx for the updates LCM17

I heard about good specs in Keith Lake but I don't know firsthand

Where in the cornbread h-ll did all these 18 wheelers come from?   You get on I-10 and it seems like 40% of the vehicles are 18 wheelers.  Recently, coming home from Ga. in La, there where 6 lined up bumper to bumper going about 65.  The last one pulled in front of us to pass.  He wanted to go 66.  By the time he finally got around the other 5 of them, the traffic behind us was stacked up to Mississippi, and my bp was 340 over 329.  Dadgum Hammerhead!

I hate it when spell check can't identify my misspelled words.
Stupid spell check!
When will technology be able to keep up with my shortcomings?

Belated prayers for you and your wife. I'll throw some positive thoughts your way too
You said this hit you on vacation. Were you able to make it home or has this kept you out of town? That would really suck.

Circle flies   A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed,
and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.   Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.   The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said "Well yeah, if that's what they are. I never heard of circle flies".
So the farmer says "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket.
Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horses back end?"
The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses back end."
The trooper says "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says "Hard to fool them flies though."

How do you get twelve Yankees in a Volkswagen?
 
You tell them it's headed for Texas.

How do you get twelve Yankees in a Volkswagen?
 
You tell them it's headed for Texas.

How do you get twelve Yankees in a Volkswagen?
 
You tell them it's headed for Texas.

I can only imagine this new position was created to avoid having to buy out his contract.

John Elway died and went to heaven. God was showing him around and walked up to a mansion shaped like Denver Bronco helmet, turf lawn and bronco statues at the entry. God said you have done a good job on earth so hears your reward. Elway was pleased but look down the road and there was a huge mansion ten times the size of his shaped in a Dallas Cowboy helmet. Elway said, I guess that's Troy Aikman's mansion, why is it so much bigger than mine? God said no, that's my place.

John Elway died and went to heaven. God was showing him around and walked up to a mansion shaped like Denver Bronco helmet, turf lawn and bronco statues at the entry. God said you have done a good job on earth so hears your reward. Elway was pleased but look down the road and there was a huge mansion ten times the size of his shaped in a Dallas Cowboy helmet. Elway said, I guess that's Troy Aikman's mansion, why is it so much bigger than mine? God said no, that's my place.

John Elway died and went to heaven. God was showing him around and walked up to a mansion shaped like Denver Bronco helmet, turf lawn and bronco statues at the entry. God said you have done a good job on earth so hears your reward. Elway was pleased but look down the road and there was a huge mansion ten times the size of his shaped in a Dallas Cowboy helmet. Elway said, I guess that's Troy Aikman's mansion, why is it so much bigger than mine? God said no, that's my place.

I don't know anything about him but I was impressed with his interview.
Need to tighten up on what appears to be some inner corruption

I hate it when spell check can't identify my misspelled words.
Stupid spell check!
When will technology be able to keep up with my shortcomings?

I hate it when spell check can't identify my misspelled words.
Stupid spell check!
When will technology be able to keep up with my shortcomings?

It may be truer to say that whatever sentence a child molester receives just isn't enough.

It is terrible...... 
That the whiners that are up in arms about this dead gorilla, can't trade places with that child and explain to all of us the correct course of action while being slung around by an animal that can rip your head off the moment he gets a notion. 
Tragic? Absolutely. 
The correc response? Same answer. 

If you hesitate one second about putting the gorilla a down there is something wrong with you. The outrage over the decision to kill the gorilla outrages me. If it would have happened in a Texas zoo there's a good chance he would have been gunned down by visitors.

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If you hesitate one second about putting the gorilla a down there is something wrong with you. The outrage over the decision to kill the gorilla outrages me. If it would have happened in a Texas zoo there's a good chance he would have been gunned down by visitors.

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Before we heap blame on Coach Griff, we need to look at the facts as they are rather than the fiction that KJAS tried to put out there.  There were 3 coin tosses. 
The first was whether it was a 1 game or 3 game series.  As we now know, Jasper, not LC-M, wanted a 1 game series.  Jasper won that toss.  Where is the criticism of Coach Kirkland, for denying fans of one, perhaps two, more games to see these two play.  I mean many more fans would have been afforded the opportunity to see the Bears and the Bulldogs and scouts would have had another game to come see the players.  There is no criticism because Coach Kirkland chose an option that is within the UIL rules which he felt benefited his team and gave him the best chance to be playing next week in the regional finals.  Is it a loophole in the rules?  Heck, yeah. But one that no one will blame Coach Kirkland for taking, nor should they.
Let's go to the second toss, that was for the day of the game.  LC-M wanted Wednesday, Jasper wanted Thursday.  Jasper won the toss.  Had LC-M won this toss or had Jasper agreed to Wednesday, this series would have already been settled as no matter which of the 3 venues in question, Gibbens Field in Orange, Jasper Athletic Complex or Vincent-Beck in Beaumont would have all been used.  By the same token, ALL of those fields, because of the weather, have been UNAVAILABLE for use since Thursday.  Anyone think that a game would have gotten off in Beaumont the last two days?  What about Jasper (and for those who claim Jasper would be ready to play, I would point you to the fact that Barbers Hill and Tomball, who were slated to play in Jasper yesterday afternoon, had to postpone their game there due to the weather)?  So if LC-M's choice was to play the game on Wednesday when the weather conditions would have allowed for this game to be played, why is Coach Griffith now being blamed for the fact that this has not been played yet.  Where is the criticism of Coach Kirkland for choosing the game date?  He, just like the rest of us, knew what the weather held and knew that scheduling a game on Thursday would potentially jam up against the graduation schedules of both LC-M and his own school.  There is none, because he deserves none.  Again, he had a choice and made the choice that he believed gave the Bulldogs the best chance to get to the regional finals.
Finally, the coin toss that apparently has everyone's panties in a bunch.  Coach Griffith, seeing that all of the other fators were going Jasper's way, took a gamble,  He eskewed the safety of a neutral field in Beaumont, about 3 times closer to him than Jasper, to say that if he won the toss, the game would be a Gibbens Field.  Coach Kirkland knew what he was doing.  In fact, Coach Kirkland warned him that if Griff insisted on home vs. home, that the game would be in Jasper if Coach Kirkland won that toss.  Griff was good with that and guess what!  He won.  So he chose his home field.  Why?  Because like Coach Kirkland in the first two tosses, Coach Griffith went with a choice that he felt have his guys the best chance to play.  And now he is getting crucified for the only choice he had at all in this series. 
I think there are some folks who have been whinin' just a little too much in this thread.

People that turn into the center turning lane, then drive in the turning lane.

People that turn into the center turning lane, then drive in the turning lane.

You never get far through the channels!
smh