Parents READ this!!!!

[WTB]

This Article was posted on baseball site and I had gotten it in email already.  But great reading..

  Parents out of bounds; respect for coaches waning

« on: February 04, 2009, 08:48:02 PM » Quote

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Interesting article, it fits all high school sports.

Parents out of bounds; respect for coaches waning

Commentary By Scott Kaiser

Times Sports Writer

par~ent (par'ent) n. 1. A father or mother; 2. Any organism in relation to its offspring; 3. A source; origin. Definition from the Second College Edition of Webster's New World Dictionary

coach (koch) n. 2. (a) A private tutor; ( one who instructs or trains a performer or a team of performers; © One who instructs players in the fundamentals of a competitive sport and directs team strategy. Definition from Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary

You will notice in the above definitions that parent and coach are not related. However, it appears that more of the former think they know more than the latter, and aren't afraid to cross that line.

Example No. 1: At last Friday's Cinco Ranch-Mayde Creek girls' basketball game, the Lady Cougars posted an impressive 21-point road victory to remain in a first-place tie with Taylor in the District 17-5A race. This was a huge road win against a Lady Rams' squad that lost at the buzzer to the Lady Mustangs just three nights earlier. It was also Cinco Ranch's 56th win its last 57 district games, one of the most impressive streaks in the history of Texas high school sports.

After the game, I had just asked Lady Cougars coach Eric Bartlett about the victory when a gentlemen stopped in front of us and said, I'm embarrassed to be part of this program.

I want to re-emphasize that this comment, which left both of us dumbfounded, came after a 21-point road victory by the four-time defending district champions. Here are some of the other gaudy numbers posted by the Cinco Ranch girls' basketball program:

** A record of 152-55 in the last six-plus seasons;

** Playoff qualifiers the last six years, including four straight trips to the regional quarterfinals before advancing to the Region III finals last season;

** A district-winning streak of 54 games over four-plus seasons;

** A 17-13 record this season, with 12 of those losses having come against programs with a combined 243-71 record. Eight of those teams have already won 20 or more games;

** Led by a coach who has won 462 games in his 22-plus seasons.

Boy, I bet Coach Bartlett tosses and turns every night in bed thinking about how embarrassing his program is.

Example No. 2: A veteran coach recently told me that one of his former players had considered getting into high school coaching, but said, I don't think I can take the criticism. I'm not tough enough.

Example No. 3: The constant ringing tune of Play a different quarterback! shouted from the Morton Ranch stands during the majority of the 2007 football season. I'm sure that was pleasant for the quarterback who was playing.

Example No. 4 through infinity: Time-wasting, mind-numbing meetings with parents who aren't happy with their child's playing time.

Now, understand that I come at this from three different angles: parent of a teenager, a former high school coach, and a sports writer.

As a parent whose child played basketball as a freshman and has been in the tennis program at Cy-Fair High School for three years, it is tough to watch her play. It ached at times when she didn't get to play as a freshman because I love my daughter. I am selfish and am extremely protective of her well-being. We all want our children to play the entire game, succeed, and be champions.

This is unrealistic. It is Fantasy Land, spurred by our changing society.

High school sports is not Fun-Fair-Positive-Soccer. FFPS is a great program for youngsters, but playing high school sports prepares teenagers for life. Life is not always fun, it's hardly ever fair, and you're never going to live a day without someone being negative about something.

So, how do I best love my daughter? By letting her experience all aspects of high school sports, the good times and the rough times. By letting her learn to deal with adults, i.e. the coach, if she has a question or is discouraged. If I start fighting her battles now, what will she do in college and once she has a job? Will she expect me to call her professor or boss when she has a problem or dilemma? Even worse, will she expect me to go over the head of her direct supervisor/teacher/coach to the athletic coordinator/principal/dean/CEO, without first privately following the chain of command?

Although my daughter has rarely complained about anything in athletics, when she does, her mother and I say, Talk to the Coach. Rather than fighting these battles for her, I stand deep in the bleachers or far away from the court and mumble about strategy or coaching techniques, but I keep them to myself.

As a former high school coach, albeit for only three years, I agonized over lineups and trying to get everyone into a match. In tennis things are more cut and dried because we have a challenge ladder and you can prove one-on-one who best deserves a certain spot, but I can promise you that the No. 1 dilemma, and there isn't a close second, for all coaches is how to decide playing time.

No coach, repeat, NO COACH!!! goes into a match or game thinking, Boy, I'm not going to play so-and-so just to upset him/her. Deciding who does or does not play, or how long someone plays, is not based on malice. It's done after watching hours of practice and games, watching tape, and scouting opponents. Varsity coaches have to decide on what lineup can best help them win on that night, not on stroking the egos of the players (or sometimes, the parents).

As a sports writer, one who wrote his first story for a professional paper in 1976, I have seen a disintegration of the team (Together Everyone Accomplishes More!). Instead of having a team of players, you have individuals who play for a team. Encouraged by greedy club coaches and sometimes-misguided parents who have forked out thousands of dollars to chase that not-inevitable scholarship, high school coaches have become targets with large red circles on their backs.

These coaches, who, by the way, are first and foremost classroom teachers, go to clinics, study tapes until all hours of the morning, or go scouting when they could be home with their families, but somehow that doesn't make them as qualified as those of us who sit in the stands.

Do you not see their bloodshot eyes late in a season? Do you not see them when they are at the hospital with an injured player at 3 a.m., then head to 6 a.m. practice? Do you not see them representing our schools and our children with humility and grace? Do you not see how much they LOVE children?

Trust me, it's easy to be a coach from the stands. I do it every time I cover a game, but that doesn't mean I'm qualified to do so from the field or the bench. Like any sports writer, there's not a coach alive who hasn't questioned the strategy of a fellow coach, but you're not hearing them yell it from the stands or calling the principal the next morning because Johnny or Julie didn't play.

Winning at all costs or being a breeding ground for college programs is not the ultimate goal of a high school sports program. It's about teaching kids about academic and behavioral responsibility, and sacrificing the goals of the individual for the betterment of the team.

I'd say probably 90 percent of the parents understand this; it's the 10 percent who make coaches dread answering the phone or looking at their emails.

Friends, our coaches deserve better. Before shouting that slur or making that call or sending an email, please look in the mirror and ask yourself, Is this about the TEAM, or this about ME?

[WTB]

Ive heard quit a few of yall at Lumberton games acting just like this so read this and rethink your ways

[inthepond]

Amen, great article

[rollinac]

Ive heard quit a few of yall at Lumberton games acting just like this so read this and rethink your ways

I think you could say this to just about every school.  I myself am guilty of it at times as well....we could all give the coach a break now and again....especially if he's gone to the playoffs 13 straight!!!!!!!!

[OldSkool97]

Great Article

[LTrain]

It doesnt matter what school you go to you are gonna hear that stuff, and no it isnt right nor is it fair to the kids playing their hearts out.

[KDOSullivan]

Give the coaches ( And teachers ) a break. Your kids are not the only ones on the court/field/class. Trust me, I have been in meetings with parents that have called me everything in the book except a human. I have been in meetings in which my children and spouse have been threatened. I have received phone calls from drunken parents at 3 am and my number is unlisted. I have been in Sunday School class and a parent wanted to talk to me about "Little Johnny." ( Basically, a conference in front of the entire SS Class.)My parents have been approached by "friends" about them talking to me about "helping their grandchild out." ( Passing their grandchild) I have been called out of class to the office because I caught a student cheating and the irate parent is certain " I have made a mistake." I have been threatened with legal action because their child made a "B" and they are certain their kid is an "A" student. I have been threatened because I got onto their kid for making a racist remark.

You know, I really like what I do, but I can see a day when I have had enough.

[PNG Proud]

KDO,  you've said a mouthful.  This whole problem is today's society that thinks "their kid can do no wrong".  Sure, everyone wants their kid to be, and do, the best,... but, what kind of real-life lesson are they really learning?  What are those same parents going to do when their kids BOSS fires them for not producing like the others?  I guess they'll sit down with the CEO of their child's workplace and inform him about how mistaken he is?

Some parents are hurting,more than helping, in the grand scheme of things.

This oughta be real interesting in the coming years.

[Guest Penny]

Interesting to read the comments on the baseball board versus these... there's a big difference.

[AggiesAreWe]

Interesting to read the comments on the baseball board versus these... there's a big difference.

You are right, Penny. Some of them baseball parents beleive their kid is the next Nolan Ryan or Tony Gwynn.

Reminds me too much of my Little League coaching days. :

[Lefty99]

Great Aritcle!  I went through a 5-5 season my Jr. year, and suffered through a 0-10 season my Sr. year in HS football.  Comparing the 2 seasons I learned more life lessons in the 0-10 season than any other time in life.  It truley isn't all about winning all the games and playing every single down!  Coaches deserve much more than they get!  I never once saw my coach give up in that year admist everything that was being said about him!  He loved the young men that played for him no matter what the record was, and I appreciate that to this day!

[Lefty99]

Interesting to read the comments on the baseball board versus these... there's a big difference.

You are right, Penny. Some of them baseball parents beleive their kid is the next Nolan Ryan or Tony Gwynn.

Reminds me too much of my Little League coaching days. :

You are right about that Aggie.

[KDOSullivan]

Interesting to read the comments on the baseball board versus these... there's a big difference.

And it is sad. I have been in meetings in which a parents has told me " My son was born with a baseball/football in their hands." The kid couldn't even make the team....Then there are the parents who think the purpose of school is for their kid to play ball.....I know I may catch flack for this statement, but I wonder sometimes if we really need high school sports? If you walked in my shoes for a year, you would understand my statement.

[elhector1]

Interesting to read the comments on the baseball board versus these... there's a big difference.

And it is sad. I have been in meetings in which a parents has told me " My son was born with a baseball/football in their hands." The kid couldn't even make the team....Then there are the parents who think the purpose of school is for their kid to play ball.....I know I may catch flack for this statement, but I wonder sometimes if we really need high school sports? If you walked in my shoes for a year, you would understand my statement.

Agree KDO...no flack here...think about it...if there were a school forum for academics,  and there was a post about the prospective school superitendent about to be hired, it would not get 5% of the posts that the hiring of a head football coach/AD got.  It's the Texas way.  The problem is, in the past, if you had a nut job parent, you could tell them straight up how their kid was goofing around, and woe be to that kid when he or she got home.  Now, not only do you get disrespected as a teacher and a coach, some parents tell the kids that a teacher must maintain a certain pass fail ratio or they could be reassigned or worse.  The kid goofs off, knows that mommy or daddy will fix it, and then, if called to the carpet by the teacher, will tell the teacher that they can't be failed, lest the pass fail ratio be affected...I spoke to a teacher at a junior high who told me just that.

In the sports arena, there are alot who think their kid is the world's gift to (fill in your sport here).  In football, I can see the advantages of a "select" system, since football gets a full ride...but the kid should be an all around student athlete, with the emphasis on student. 

[Guest Penny]

Ags, you nailed it, too many GENIOUSES in baseball.  Folks are DILUSIONAL in that sport, just my opinion.  There are some really good people in select and youth baseball, but no doubt the current atmosphere breeds what you're reading on that thread, vs. the same thread posted on a predominantly football board.

[fullswing]

awesome article! It would be nice if they would quit making all those rosed colored glasses. Although I didn't get the chance to read commits from the baseball side, i have witnessed acts of violence from parents and coaches in baseball,football and basketball. Even when i  played little league way to may years ago. So i wonder were parents of today learn the meaning of TEAM. So WTB don't let the action of few sway you, there are alot of great people in all of our communities. Remember as long as there are those dang glasses out there a whole lot will not probably change.

[raideroldtimer]

It's a well known fact that the only ones who know what's going on out on the field or court or whatever arena the games are on are those sitting in the stands. Geez....

[elhector1]

In baseball, some of us have fun with the umpires, as in "hey blue, they found your cell phone, and there's a bunch of missed calls on it"...I don't know about football, as the noise level is much higher...some of the baseball umps are pretty thick skinned...

As to the idiot parents...it's not a baseball issue, it's a social issue.  The same "Little Johnny or Jenny is always right and perfect and never wrong" will find a way to make their kids "seem" perfect...whether it's bugging a coach at an inappropriate time, or getting plastic surgery for their kids...

Who in their right mind does that?

Oh wait....the key phrase here, is "right mind"...

It seems there are some with more money than sense...