Reason's why my team won't make the playoffs

[puddleofmudd]

Have you ever watched The Ringling and Barnum and Bailey Circus and dribbled your dinner down the front of your finest shirt as your brain completely shuts down from the overload of inanity? That’s me right now, numbed by a season of football pain.

Technically, all is not yet lost. If my team wins by a handsome margin Friday night and the two teams above them lose, and Jupiter crashes into Uranus, and Hillary Clinton somehow becomes president after losing the election and four other teams forfeit due to playing ineligible players then maybe we could have a fighting chance of making the playoffs.

Won’t happen, but.

As surely as it’s bad grammar to put a conjunction at the end of a sentence, my team will play no part in the Texas High School Playoffs.

As surely as the Republican Party will contest the next presidential election, my team will contest a completely pointless match this weekend which is bound to end in ignominy.

It’s over. Kaput. Because of all this, I can’t really think of a reason to get out of bed anymore.

Oh, I’ll squeeze a week or two out of the blame game to keep me going. That game is reaching fever pitch at this very moment on many online forums, which is more than you can say for any game my football team played this year.

Blaming stuff is more fun than chasing seagulls. It’s the coach’s fault for being stale, the senior players’ fault for not setting the right example, the young players’ fault for not improving quickly enough, the club CEO’s fault for not commanding the respect of the boardroom, yada yada yada.

Personally, I blame the janitor. His skill set was a little dusty this year and he just didn’t get as many garbage disposals as usual.

I suppose I could look inwards for fulfillment. As an unhealthy middle-aged and increasingly flabby suburban father, what don’t I have to look forward to?

Seriously, there is much more of importance in my life than the performance of a team.

There’s… umm… well there’s… y’know… umm… umm… other sport!

Oh, who am I kidding? Life without my team in the football playoffs is a whirling maelstrom of despair, a predicament as bleak and meaningless as low budget Ben Affleck film.

Still, I suppose things could be worse. I could be a soccer fan…

[Mr. Buddy Garrity]

Winner winner!!!!!!  Happy Friday folks! 

[puddleofmudd]

lol

[Stattrax]

Thats awesome... I fell like this about every WOS and Nederland week on a yearly basis.....

[workbootz]

You must be a HD fan

[Hagar]

Awesome post mudd!  Lmbo.  Most of us can identify in some way!

Hell, I'm trying to remember what a conjunction is........