Chuck Norris

[baddog]

 Dead at 86. R.I.P.

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[SmashMouth]

27 minutes ago, baddog said:

 Dead at 86. R.I.P.

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One of my favorites: "The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year."

[Englebert]

Some of my favorites:

When asked how many push ups he can do, Chuck Norris responded "All of them".

Chuck Norris can bounce a bowling ball.

When monsters go to sleep they check under the bed for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the only person that can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris went to a feminist convention. He left with a freshly ironed shirt and a sandwich.

[Englebert]

A couple more:

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity...twice.

The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. You know what happened to them.

Chuck Norris was bitten by a rattlesnake. After two agonizing days of pain, the rattlesnake finally died.

[baddog]

I wish we had an infinite number of likes. I’m already out. Those are too good, especially the rattlesnake.

[SmashMouth]

29 minutes ago, Englebert said:

Chuck Norris went to a feminist convention. He left with a freshly ironed shirt and a sandwich.

My new favorite!!!

[OlDawg]

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Atlas retired when Chuck Norris was born.

[baddog]

Chuck Norris sends his picture along with his tax return. He has never paid income tax in his life. 

[OlDawg]

Chuck Norris was in all the Star Wars movies. He was The Force.

Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.

Chuck Norris could kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris didn't do push-ups. He pushed the Earth down.

Chuck Norris could strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

In heaven, even miracles check with Chuck Norris.