Baseball Umpires Meet To Discuss War Spending, Health Care Reform

[adminbaberuth]

Major League Baseball umpires will gather between home plate and the pitcher’s mound tommorrow to discuss many of the biggest issues affecting America, as Congressional panel spends it’s time determining the level of steroids use in baseball.

“Hey, don’t get us wrong,†says umpire Hunter Wendelstedt. “We are huge baseball fans. We dedicated our careers to the sport. But that said, we kind of think there might be some bigger concerns facing American right now than whether or not Roger Clemens may have taken steroids. So while Congress is busy umpiring baseball, we’re going to handle the rest of the country.â€

The umpires will discuss the Iraq War, health care reform, global warming, border security, energy independence, taxes, torture, Social Security, and the minimum wage.

“We don’t want to bite of more than we can chew,†says umpire Joe West. “But there are a lot of big issues out there that need to be addressed. We think those are a good start. If we can hammer out solutions to those, we’ll turn to campaign finance reform, job outsourcing, the mortgage crisis and the strike zone.â€

Jeff Kellogg says he suspects his fellow umpires to come up with many good solutions.

  “We’re not all wishy washy like Congress,†he says. “There is no gray area in baseball. It’s either a ball or a strike. You are either safe or out. We’ll either stay in Iraq or get out. Drill in Alaska or won’t. We will move this country forward.â€

Rep. Henry Waxman, the chairman of the committee investigating steroids in baseball, said he welcomes the umpires’ contributions solving the country’s other problems.

  “If they can keep focusing on that stuff, I’d really appreciate it,†says Rep. Waxman. “That way, I can do more of this fun, sports work. You know who I’d like to call next? Pele. I always thought it would be cool to meet him and get his autograph. You know: ‘Here. Sign this affidavit. Write it out to Henry.’â€

[bullets13]

brilliant!

[Jasperfan]

;D ;D  Maybe they can get something accomplished!

[2throwrundown]

They should really keep Kellogg and C.B. out of these discussions.  They have a hard enough time distiguishing strikes  ;D

[dwight.schrute]

that's so funny!  ;D

[MrUmp1]

On a related subject.... the Beaumont Umpires will discuss plans on what to do with Ford Park this Wednesday. Next week will will tackle what to do with the roads that need work driving to ballparks.

[77]

Very well put!